PolitiCook.net

Diet War Story

I abhor diets. The reality is, however, that I need to knock off a good 15-20 pounds, weight that’s crept up on me over the past few years due to any number of things: quitting smoking, eating like a little piggie, decreasing activity levels, stress and, I suspect, not enough sleep, at least over the last year.

So at the beginning of the year, I vowed I would knock it off and, shortly thereafter, I joined Weight Watchers.

What a freaking disaster that turned out to be.

Thanks to Weight Watchers, I’ve spent the past few months on an evil cycle of starving half to death for three-four days, then going completely out of control. I have no idea where they come up with their calorie counts (now measured in the form of points), but they must be based on females with absolutely no muscle whatsoever - or anorexics.

True, I’ve stuck with it because there has been a value to it. My intake of fruits and vegetables has shot through the roof, thanks to WW. I’ve always eaten a lot of vegetables, but nothing like the past few months. And it’s been interesting to see what disastrous choices a few of my standard omg, I haven’t eaten since 5 a.m. and it’s now 4 p.m. and I have to stay here til 7 p.m. and I have half an hour to eat and I think I’m gonna die!!! choices are.

But I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of starting all over every Monday, making it for a day or so, then going completely out of control and mixing myself up a little faux vanilla cheesecake with Bulgarian yogurt — or my own homemade strained yogurt — and downing the whole thing in minutes before diving into the gigantic plate of quinoa pasta cooked with dried tomatoes and fresh thyme and large dollops of novello olive oil and everything else I could dump into it, then finishing it off with, say, a bottle of wine - or half a pound of goat cheese.

Or eating an entire arm roast for dinner.

Or lacking anything even resembling energy and instead feeling like I could sleep for the next 40 years. Getting up to change the channel even has been just too much for me.

Yikes. Shades of 90% of the American population!

Besides, I haven’t lost a freaking pound, which is really no surprise given the vicious cycle I’ve been trapped in.

So yesterday, I threw my hands up and said I’ve had it. First, I cancelled my subscription to WW Online. Then, I cooked myself three eggs from chickens I’m personally acquainted with and drenched them in olive oil. And finally, I decided to go straight back to low carb.

Now, I have my doubts about low carb. For one, I discovered a woman I knew from a perfectly noxious private forum, a woman who’s been low carbing for years now, had a massive heart attack at the gentle age of around 40. Yikes!

And I’m pretty concerned about not eating as many fruits and vegetables as I can stuff down my gullet.

But I’ve accomplished nothing the past few months, and my own inclinations are fairly gluttonous (eg, my typical omg! I will never have a chocolate torte this good, not ever again! I better eat three pieces of it now [with whole cream subtly perfumed with Framboise, of course]) (and finished with a bottle of red wine) (and maybe a little bit more of that guacamole).

So it’s time to do something. In a few minutes, I’m driving to the grocery to stock up. And so far, I’m into my second day — and I’m not starving to death, I don’t feel like I’m going to die at any moment, and I actually have some energy!

Stay tuned …