I did not have what one would call the best of relationships with my father. He, in my opinion, was overbearing, self centered, and always right, regardless of any other opinion.
After years of self examination, I find myself to be overbearing, self centered, and always right, regardless of any other opinion.
(Warning from admin: Possibly offensive epithets quoted below the fold.)
Dad was Dad. No force in the universe could change him. He hated, to use his words, niggers and queers. He hated liberals, because they took up for the niggers and queers.
I know that this is strong, and offensive language. But it is a part of my psyche. Dad hated anything not Republican, except for Wallace running for president, for whom he voted twice. I have spun an evil web about him, but please allow me to unravel it.
Dad was really a pretty nice guy, unless niggers and queers were involved. He was always ready to help out folks, such as to assist a white guy to buy a used car at a discount (no warranty, but still cheap), and even if it crapped out, he would help the guy who bought it to fix it on the cheap. Unless it were a nigger or a queer.
I write this for only one reason. To make my position very clear. I care not so much for race or orientation than I do for kindness. Dad actually was kind to the folks with whom he interacted with, regardless of race or preference, but all of my life I heard nigger this and queer that.
I ask this community one question: with that every day, how did I become so tolerant? I care not a fig if you are male, female, trans gendered, black, brown, purple or white. In my opinion, being nice to the next person that you meet is much more important, and being nice to the ones that you love, and who love you, is even more so.
I guess that I have offended everyone here by using words that are not proper, but I used them to let you know whence I come. I do not often quote King, but the part about the content is appropriate now. Ban me if I have offended, but I thought that the community needed to know whence I come. Warmest regards, Doc.
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I grew up with a father who hated Father’s Day because of commercialization. In fact, he pretty much hated all of the holidays because of commercialization – used to get very annoyed with us when we “wasted” money on presents.
But he liked the food, so food was generally the focus of the holidays.
And I think becoming different from our parents is simply a natural progression, a part of growing up and becoming adult. Oddly, though, despite how very different I am from them, I’m also coming to see how very much like my parents I am, including how much I dislike the commercialization of holidays. Strange!
Don’t talk to me about Father’s Day, neither parent cared for my brother and I. I was given to my uncle & aunt to be looked after from age 5 and my brother was sent to our grandmother who lived a few miles from where I was, so never really connected. Be thankful that you’ve had parents who didn’t ship you out to the nearest relative.
Wow. No wonder you’re a good father.
In truth, I’ve always found both Mother’s and Father’s Days creepy, not just because I think they’re manufactured holidays about little more than spending money, but because biological parents are so often *not* mothers or fathers.
I guess none of us had the ideal childhood. My father died when I was four years old and I like you AAF, was farmed out to anyone who wanted a cute little girl. I’ve always felt alone. Now I am very comfortable with myself and we get along just fine.
I’m lucky I have 5 kids, all healthy and bright. This morning, my three girls had prepared fresh bowls of flowers, one sewed a cute message of love onto a pillow case, all made up little cards with quite elaborate designs on them. Moments like these are unforgettable. One of my sons called from England, he has a tiny daughter, six weeks old and gorgeous, he’s very close to her.
Enjoy your day. Keep those kids close.
I’m often troubled by our propensity to look back into the past and blame those who didn’t have today’s awareness for being precisely what their era and milieu made of them.
In other words, your father, while undoubtedly bigoted, was the product of his time and not unusually bigoted when held up against his community. My grandfathers were both racially bigoted and who the hell knows what they thought of homosexuality–it wasn’t acknowledged in any way.
My parents were more liberal, but my dear mother, now nearing 80, still says things with regard to other races and ethnicities that make me cringe a bit. She’s come a long way from her dad, though.
Me, I’ve taken the classes, diversity in the workplace and all that, and I’ve grown up in the post-MLK, post-Harvey Milk era and the city my where my grandfather was a Freemason now has a gay mayor.
I have no kids, but my nieces and mephews are pretty free of all bigotry.
We progress. I hope we do!
Have you had some training as a historian?
Me? Only slightly–my degree is in French and intellectual history. Which, in itself, is ancient history.
Intellectual history! Close enough.
I ask because I was *forced* to take quite a bit of history in grad school – I say forced because I’m probably the least linear person on earth and, although I love the stories of history, its linear-ness gave me panic attacks.
And I don’t remember how it was worded, but I do know a cardinal rule of historians is you do not force the contexts and morals of the present onto the past.
That’s why I asked.
I was raised by parents that I consider very nearly perfect. Both were liberal in a time and place was not kind to folks like them. My Dad, though, did like to use the n-word, a lot. But he was also one of the first in the area to hire blacks as workers in his small business. I recall as a young man going to the funeral of one of his employees, who had died from a disease that was not work related. They were good folks, and I miss them on days like this.
I treasure the memories of both of my parents, imperfect as they may have been. They did respect learning, and I consider that my greatest gift from them.
For those of who who were rejected, abandoned, or otherwise removed from one of more parents, I can only say that my heart goes out to each of you. Nothing else that I might say would have any meaning.
I will say that I have great affection towards this community. Warmest regards, Doc.
This is how we get started: individuals, not classes. One by one our stupid preconceived ideas get smashed by the reality of, well, reality. Warmest regards, Doc.
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